i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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