Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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