I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
