I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
