i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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