I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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