I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
