just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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