Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
