if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
