She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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