sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
