Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
