just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I met the friendliest cop last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
