it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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