Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
