I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
