Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize