I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Enjoy the penises
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
