i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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