if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
