when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
