I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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