Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
