somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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