he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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