Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
