its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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