it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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