New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
