Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
