I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize