glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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