I wish my penis had an off switch
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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