I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
