Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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