If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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