I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
