I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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