I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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