I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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