Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
