He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
