My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't put those talents on a resume
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
