Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
