When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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