6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
