mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize