how do flat chested girls get laid?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
