Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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