there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
