Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
