he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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