The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
