She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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