I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
