I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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