dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
