Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize