Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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