Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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