1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
