Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
