so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
