a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
