So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
