So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
