One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
