Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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