in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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