dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
