I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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