One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
