genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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