Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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