I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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