Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
