I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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