We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize