oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
