im drinking this country out of the recession.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
