I'm eating all of the evidence.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
