I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
