tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
