He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
