chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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